dearsilas.org

On Monday I asked for your questions on grieving. I only got one question but I feel like it’s a very important one. It’s something that I’ve noticed people hesitating about around myself personally and it’s something that needs to be addressed.

Do you prefer that people not talk about their own children around you? I know we tend to worry that we are “rubbing it in” when we talk to people about our loved ones when their own loved ones have died. I just wonder if avoiding the topic would make you feel worse or if it is better to do so.

First I have to mention that everyone is different. You sort of have to go with how that person is feeling then and there in that moment. Grieving is a hard process and there are many parts to grieving – happiness, sadness, anger, surreal feelings, shock and denial, despair… I could go on and on and I will make that a whole blog post itself.

With my experience, I had people treat me different from the beginning . . . and this pissed me off. I’m not a different person, I’m not going to get mad at you – you didn’t kill my child, I don’t want to be treated like my child dying is a disease. I’m not sick! I could go on and on for days about this. Now for the first few months, I didn’t want to see other people’s kids. Seeing and talking are two different things. Why would I be mad at you for talking about your kids? It makes absolutely no sense to me!

There are of course two sides to every story. Someone else may feel differently and you have to kind of feel this out. Another post I’ll get to is “do I ask about their baby, do I talk about them?” (the person’s child who has passed) and this varies person to person. For example, I have Silas’ stuff out. I have pictures of him, I have some of his things hanging up. Some people will put everything away and kind of just forget about it. Both of these things are okay to do because everyone heals differently.

The one thing I have to ask is that you don’t treat them differently. We’re still human just like you.  Yes, we are broken people who are hurting the kind of hurt that is the worst in the world.

But we don’t want to be treated differently.